


Come Back (I miss the way you looked at me)

by anotherinsanewriter



Category: The Arcana (Visual Novel)
Genre: Angst, Asra is Bad at Feelings, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:41:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23639248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anotherinsanewriter/pseuds/anotherinsanewriter
Summary: In which Julian tells Asra about his plan to be resurrected by the Hanged Man, Asra doesn’t believe it’ll work and takes too long for him to realize how much he loves Julian.
Relationships: Asra/Julian Devorak
Comments: 1
Kudos: 61





	Come Back (I miss the way you looked at me)

“No.”

“Asra, please. This is the only way-"

"No! Julian, this is not the only way and you know that. We can - fuck, I don't know,  _ convince  _ Nadia that you're not guilty. You do not  _ need  _ to die to fix things, Jules. Fuck, I knew you were suicidal - what, literally working  _ with  _ the plague. But this? This is a whole new level," Asra snaps, running his fingers through his curly, white hair. 

" _ Asra,  _ just listen to me. I'm not going to  _ actually  _ die. I've done the research-the Hanged Man is  _ going  _ to-"

"What? He's going to bring you back to life? Julian, I  _ know  _ the major arcana, probably better than anyone else. The Hanged Man is just a-a raven who speaks in riddles and  _ you  _ have done nothing that would warrant him bringing you back to life!" 

"I made a deal with him, Asra! He will bring me back, I promise you," Julian states, looking at the flustered, angry magician in front of him with nothing short of fondness. "You don't need to worry about me, I don't plan on  _ actually  _ dying any time soon." 

Asra scoffs at the statement, rolling his eyes before turning his back to Julian. "Fine… fine-whatever. Do what you want. See if I care," Asra retorts, leaving the jail cell without another word, Julian staring after him. 

\--

"Don't you think you're overreacting a bit, Asra?" Remi asks, their hair falling over their shoulders as they lean over the counter top, raising an eyebrow at the magician. 

"I do not," Asra snaps, sending a glare towards the apprentice, sticking his tongue out for a brief moment before his expression softens. "I-I'm just worried about him… Ilya has a tendency to do… dumb things. And- and I'm afraid he's going to actually get himself killed this time."

"So you're worried about him?" Remi questions, shuffling the cards in their hands. 

Asra merely nods in response, moving to take a seat at the counter across from his apprentice. "Can I ask you a bit of an intrusive question?" Another nod. "Do you perhaps… still love him?" 

"I-I… I'm not sure," Asra admits, sighing deeply. "Our relationship, before all of  _ this _ , was complicated enough. I don't - that's not something I  _ want _ back." 

"But what if it was different? What if it  _ wasn't  _ what you two had before. I mean - you both have grown. Is it so impossible to see a future where you're in a relationship that works?" Remi hums softly. "Tell me, what  _ was  _ the issue between you the last time?" 

"We-I... it was me, to be completely honest. I didn't-Ilya wanted  _ more  _ than what I wanted to give him. He  _ loved  _ me so much… and I just-I couldn't…" Asra sighs again, running his fingers through his hair. It was clear that the topic stressed him out - to some extent - but Remi was persistent. 

"Asra, you loved Julian, didn't you?"

Asra nods after a brief moment of silence between the two. 

"And you  _ still  _ love Julian, don't you?" 

Another hesitant nod from the magician. 

"So stop  _ overthinking  _ and go  _ tell  _ him before he ends up hanged for all of Vesuvia to see." 

"I don't think that me confessing to him is going to get him to give up this little…  _ plan  _ of his," Asra states quietly, a frown appearing on his lips. "He's completely convinced this is the way to find the cure to the plague… and that the Hanged Man is going to bring him back to life to cure it." 

"And you don't believe in him?" Remi asks, causing Asra to look up at them questioningly. 

"I-it's not that I don't  _ believe  _ in him… it's just… it's a  _ dumb  _ plan. Come on, Remi. You can't seriously believe it's going to  _ work,  _ right?" 

"I don't  _ know,  _ Asra, but if you really love him… shouldn't you at least trust him a bit?  _ Yeah,  _ it's a batshit crazy plan, but some of his batshit crazy plans are the ones that work the best," Remi says, shaking their head. "All I'm saying is… if you truly  _ love  _ Ilya… go and  _ tell  _ him that you do… before he gets hanged. That way he has more of a reason to  _ convince  _ The Hanged Man to bring him home." 

"I-fuck… okay, okay, you're right. I'll be going," Asra concedes, waving to Remi before he leaves the shop behind, headed straight to the Colosseum dungeons in search for Julian. 

\--

By the time Asra bursts into the Colosseum dungeons, the seats above him are filled with the residents of Vesuvia, speaking enthusiastically about the prior trial and soon-to-be hanging. All the citizens were thrilled that Count Lucio's murderer had been found guilty and was finally to be hanged for the public. All except for Asra.

White hair flashes down the dungeon halls as the magician runs as quickly as his legs would carry him toward the Doctor's holding cell. 

"Julian! Julian!" 

Asra arrives to a cold, empty cell and no response to his pleading calls. 

"Fuck, no, not yet.  _ Don't  _ you die on me, Ilya,  _ fuck, _ " Asra curses, running back out of the dungeons, back towards the Colosseum entrance. He doesn't bother going for the spectator seats. He simply runs directly out onto the sand, rushing towards the pedestal with the gallows and Ilya, screaming out to him. His cries are drowned out by the deafening applause as the executioner, as  _ Muriel _ , lifts the hatchet to cut the rope currently keeping Julian still alive.

"Ilya! Ilya, no! Ilya don't die, fuck I  _ love  _ you, Ilya you better fucking come back to me!" Asra screams, Julian's gaze meeting his tear-filled one. 

"I know, Asra. I-" before Julian could breath out another word the rope had been cut and the redhead struggles for a few moments before finally drawing his last breath. 

"Ilya!  _ No _ !" Asra sobs rushing the gallows stand, trying to untangle the rope from around Ilya's neck and bring him down into his arms, failing miserably. At some point, Muriel comes up behind the magician, whispering an apology that he can't hear over the deafening screams of the crowd and his own sobbing. 

"You - you -  _ fuck _ ," Asra cries out in agony, the sadness and anger he felt taking over his body entirely. "Ilya, why, fuck, you stupid, self-sacrificing bastard." Asra falls to his knees, sobbing into his hands. Muriel presses his large hand against Asra's back in what was meant to be a comforting motion, but it only makes Asra cry harder. "You better come back to me you stupid bastard. I don't care what the Hanged Man wants… just  _ please,  _ come back to me, Ilya."

"Asra… we need to take his body down. He's to be transported to the palace-" Muriel starts but Asra looks up in question.

"To the  _ palace? _ " He questions, an eyebrow raised. The tears stopped momentarily in his confusion. 

"The Countess… Nadia knew of Julian's plan. She knows he's meant to come back to life-she… knows he's innocent," Muriel explains, blinking down at Asra.

"Nadi-Nadia  _ knew _ and she  _ still  _ let him go through with this dumb plan?" 

Muriel merely nods at the question.

"Ilya… Ilya could be dead…  _ really dead _ . And-and Nadia just let this happen?" Asra snaps, feeling the anger take him over.

"I-I mean Julian said that he would come back. She-We had no reason not to believe him. He was…  _ very  _ convinced," Muriel attempts to reason, shrugging it off ever so slightly. "You can-you can come back with us… and stay with him if you wish. The Countess told me to inform you of this." 

Asra can't seem to shake the anger as he nods, watching Muriel take Julian's limp body from where he hung from the noose. Julian looked tiny, lying in Muriel's arms and the sight nearly has Asra crying yet again, but he shakes off the sadness and pain, trying to convince himself that Julian  _ would  _ be back. 

\--

The trip from the Colosseum to the palace gates was mostly uneventful. Asra spent the walk thinking, eyes glued to Julian's corpse in Muriel's buff arms. His lips are pursed and his eyebrows furrowed, deep in thought. Muriel leads Asra towards an empty palace bedroom, clearly the one where Julian was to be placed in until he awoke. Asra watches as Muriel sets Julian’s body down onto the bed.

After a few moments of awkward silence between the two men, Muriel clears his throat. “I-uhm, I’m going for tea with the Countess, while we wait for Julian to return with his memories. You’re welcome to join us if you wish.” 

Asra just shakes his head, kneeling on the ground next to the bed. “Go on without me… I’ll stay here and keep any eye on him. Y’know in case he wakes up,” Asra says quietly, putting his arms on the bed, resting his head on top of them and staring at Julian’s peaceful face. If Asra hadn’t seen him being hanged, he would have only assumed that the redhead was sleeping, but he knew the truth of the matter was that Julian was currently dead. 

Everything in Asra is yelling at him, asking himself why he let this happen. Why didn't he do more? Why? Why? Why? Why Julian? Why does he have to go through losing the redhead again? Hadn’t the world put Asra through enough suffering by now? 

Asra feels everything breaking down around him and he begins to just sob. His body falls forward, fully supported by the bed. Tears continuously stream down his face as he just sobs and sobs and sobs. The tears soak through the blankets, leaving a wet spot where Asra’s head lays. 

There was too much going through Asra’s head. Thoughts of his past with Julian, how everything ended in such a twisted and fucked-up way. How the plague had driven the two apart. 

Julian had always been obsessed with finding a cure. Of course, it didn’t help that Lucio was practically forcing him to research non-stop. Asra just wanted Julian to take a break. To relax and spend some time away from that awful cellar, with him. And ultimately whether it was Julian’s decision or Lucio forcing his hand, Asra hadn’t cared. The two never saw each other and it  _ hurt _ . Asra couldn’t stand being brushed aside. He had simply wanted the attention and affections of his boyfriend, but he couldn’t even get that and so he ended the relationship. 

It was petty and he regretted it more than anything. Especially when Julian had fully shut himself out from the outside world, working day and night to try and find a cure. Asra managed without the title of Julian’s boyfriend hanging over his head. He had taken comfort in Remi’s presence, but it wasn’t the same. No one could ever be the same as Julian, could even begin to compare. 

Even after three years of fear and Julian running away, Asra still loved him more than anything else in the world. That’s why, when Remi told Asra of Julian’s capture and how he was being held prisoner in the cells beneath the Colosseum, Asra had immediately  _ ran  _ to find him, to talk to him and figure out what the hell was going on. Asra wanted the truth.

The two had talked briefly about that, Asra quickly learning that Julian was in fact innocent but was allowing himself to be hanged in order to regain his memories. Everything had come crashing down around Asra back then, but now was worse.

Now, he could do nothing but sit there, staring at Julian’s limp body and  _ hope;  _ pray to whatever godly beings there were that he was going to come back. Asra couldn’t stand this limbo of not knowing. He couldn’t stand being forced to sit there and wait for Julian to wake, not knowing whether he truly would. Or what would be of him when he did. 

\--

When Julian blinks open his eyes, he expects to be laying in the lavish guest bedroom in the palace. However, what he does not expect is to have a distraught, sobbing Asra at his bedside, gripping tightly onto his hand. Julian’s mouth drops in shock, gripping Asra’s hand back. 

“Asra?” Julian breathes out quietly. “Why-why are you here? Why are you crying?” Asra bolts upwards at the sound of his voice, immediately embracing him. 

“Ilya, you absolute dimwit, I can’t believe you. Going through with it and-and scaring me like that. I love you, God, Julian I love you so much it hurts, please don’t leave me like that ever again,” Asra cries into his shoulder, tangling his fingers tightly into the back of Julian’s shirt and holding him close. 

Julian is almost too shocked to function, but he manages to wrap his arms around Asra in response. 

“Don’t you ever leave me like that again.”

“I won’t… I won’t leave you, Asra, I promise. I love you too,” Julian whispers softly in response, burying his face into the magician’s hair. “I love you too.” Asra buries his face in Julian’s neck, crying softly, but letting himself calm down, slowly but surely. 

“I’m-I’m sorry. I just… I watched you get  _ hanged,  _ Jules. I wasn’t sure if you were going to come back or not,” Asra whimpers softly, grabbing tighter at his shirt.

“I know… I know, I’m sorry. I should have-I don’t know, thought things through more I guess,” Julian says quietly, kissing the top of Asra’s head gently. “But it’s okay. I’m here. I’m alive, and I don’t plan on dying again any time soon,” he says softly, running his fingers through Asra’s hair to calm him. 

It takes another few minutes but eventually Asra’s breathing returns to normal and the tears cease as he clings to Julian. “I love you, Julian. I love you  _ so _ much. I should have never left you. Maybe none of this would have happened if I hadn’t.” 

“Don’t blame yourself,” Julian whispers softly. “I love you, too, and I should’ve worked harder to prove that. I was too focused on trying to find a cure that I ignored you and our relationship. That wasn’t fair to us… to  _ you.  _ I’m sorry.” Asra looks up at him, smiling softly.

“You don’t know how long I’ve waited for this… to be back in your arms. We were both stupid. We’re both sorry. And-and none of that matters because we’re back in each other’s arms now. And we’re okay. We’re going to be okay. I love you and everything is going to be fine,” Asra says quietly.

Julian looks at the magician, eyes alight with wonder. He shakes his head ever so slightly before leaning in to kiss Asra gently. Asra responds to the kiss almost immediately, maneuvering himself into Julian’s lap, arms wrapping tightly around his neck. 

They kissed as though everything was okay, as though nothing had happened between them. They cling tightly to each other getting lost in the feeling of each other. In that moment, everything was perfect. They were the only two people in the world that mattered. There is nothing more perfect to either of them. But alas, everything must come to an end, and to the two of them, the kiss ended much too soon. 

“I love you, Asra,” Julian breathes out, resting his forehead against the magician’s, not wanting to seperate just yet. 

“And I love you, Ilya,” Asra responds, lips quirked up in a gentle smile, relaxing in the doctor’s arms. The bliss only lasts for another moment before the door to the bedroom slams open, Nadia walking into the room. Asra jumps off of Julian’s lap, unintentionally falling directly off the bed onto the floor. “Ow, fuck,” the magician groans, just laying back and accepting his fate.

“Very smooth, Asra,” Nadia says, eyebrow raised. “Apologies for interrupting your… whatever that was, however I believe that there are more important things to discuss rather than making out in one of my guest rooms.” Julian clears his throat, a bit embarrassed, rubbing the back of his neck and laughing nervously. Nadia sighs. “You’re both hopeless. Have your memories about the plague returned, Julian?” 

“Yes, uh-I can remember most of what happened. Lucio is the issue. I just-don’t know how to take care of this now that he’s already well… dead,” Julian responds, fidgeting on the bed, turning to look at Asra who still lay on the ground. Nadia hums in thought. 

“That does prove to be quite difficult. Perhaps, I shall, leave you two alone for the time being,” Nadia responds, noting the thick tension that had grown since she’d entered the room. “Plan to meet and discuss this thoroughly over dinner. We must resolve this issue before the masquerade.” She looks between the two men, releasing a deep, exasperated sigh before exiting the room. 

Julian and Asra share a look before they both can’t help but burst into laughter over the situation. Asra pulls himself up from the floor, crawling back into the bed with Julian. 

“Well, that sure was awkward,” Asra says, the smile on his lips growing by the second as Julian wraps him back in his arms. 

“It definitely was. Are you okay? That fall sounded a bit painful,” Julian asks, kissing Asra’s cheek softy. Asra tilts his head to press his lips to Julian’s in a gentle kiss. 

“I’m fine, Ilya… That was hardly a fall that could injure me,” Asra responds. His eyes glitter with pure adoration as he stares into Julian’s eyes. 

“I love you,” the two whisper in sync. A small laugh falls from both of their lips as they wrap around each other, ignoring the rest of the world while they could. Soon enough, they would have to return to the reality that was the current state of Vesuvia, but for now, they would lose themselves in each other’s embrace.

-end-

**Author's Note:**

> Hello all~  
> Yet another fic uploaded within a span of a month. Damn this quarantine is really making me productive. Anyways, I've been into The Arcana for quite a while so I tried my hand at some Asrian Hurt/Comfort. I hope you guys enjoyed it.  
> As always, kudos and constructive feedback is much appreciated~!


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